Couples Reviews

My ex-boss was (and likely still is) convinced that he invented everything that works for him. Good business, good relationships, the philosophy of equity and humanity… in his mind, he invented these things and holds the rights to speak of them as his own creations.

I don’t profess to be such an asshole by suggesting that I invented the following sexual position that popped into my head earlier today, when Cecilia was on her way home from an out of town trip.

It’s just before noon, and I get a call from Cecilia, who’s on the road heading back from a trip to see her old friends in the town we used to live in. I’d been cripplingly horny since she left, since we generally have a robuster-than-usual sex life and well, I’ve grown accustomed to having mind blowing sex like, all the time.

"Hi Babe, where you at?"

"I’m, oh, probably an hour away."

We chat about her trip, about who she saw and what happened and whether she had a good time or not. She had a blast. I’m glad to hear this.

"I came up with something that I have no doubt’s been done since ancient times, but it’s never occurred to me before and I think we should try a new sex position."

She’s all ears. I love her. A lot.

"Imagine if I’m on the couch with my hips up on the back of the back-rest, with my head at the foot of the seat, so-to-speak. Ya with me so far?"

"How can your body do that? Won’t your head get all rushed with blood and maybe pass out?"

"I don’t know, but I’d sure like to try."

"Okay, go on then."

"Right. So I’m hips-up and head down on the couch. Follow me so far? You squat down on top of my face so I’m eating your pussy, and you’re knelt on the couch (straddling my ears with your knees) and sucking my cock, which is conveniently presented to you without having to prop yourself up like you’d have to if we were traditionally sixty-nining with you top. Get me so far?"

"Yeah, I can picture it. I’m still not 100% sure your body can do that. Like you’re assuming you have one extra pivot point or joint in your body that you don’t actually have."

"We’ll find out, won’t we?"

"Absolutely. I’m about an hour away. "

So we tried this, and she was right. While my body was able to assume this cockeyed position on the couch, she WAS still forced to prop herself up with one arm, precluding her from effectively double-handing my cock as she sucked on it.

After five minutes of so, we both realized that this sex position, though entertainingly novel and ambitious to find "a better way," was in fact not a better way.

"Are you tired?"

"Yeah."

i could see that she was struggling to hold herself up, suck me off, and concentrate on appreciating my chin buried deep into her crotch. We shifted, and found ourselves back to a tried true position, with me longstroking her doggie style from behind with a handful of her hair in one hand, and the other slapping her pinkening ass cheeks. We both liked this very much, and the sex continued until my climax where I accidentally shot some cum into her eye. It burned for a while afterwards and I thought she was sad, but, "It’s just cum in my eye."

This is a whole new type of review that we’ve never done before.

I was out of town for the weekend, visiting some friends. On the way home, I call Alain and, in his ever-creative wisdom, he divulges his latest invention– a new sex position. I’m sure that someone’s tried it before, but this is one we’ve never tried.

For this game, you’re going to need a sex partner and a couch.

One partner lays on their back with their hips raised sort of onto the back of the couch, with their legs dangling off the back. This means the person is almost upside down.

The other partner straddles their lover’s face, so that their bits are right in the person’s face and mouth. This makes it so that the person straddling can readily and (theoretically) easily suck the other person’s bits at the same time.

It’s really not as complicated as it sounds. Here’s yet another horrific diagram to show you what this would look like if stick figures were doing this (if you read my deep throating article, you’ve seen my "artwork").

click to enlarge

The concept is fantastic. And even in practice, this is a hot position. It’s comfortable for both parties. Guys don’t have to strain their necks to munch on some pussy. Gals have the cock right in their face– no guessing what to do there.

The biggest issue I had on the first try with this new sex position, though: People slip and slide and hunch down when they’re fucking. The new position started so that Alain’s cock slid into my mouth pretty well, but after a some thrusting, his hips slid down so that it made it impossible to suck his schlong without breaking my neck.

And, as with other 69 sorts of sex positions, you’ve got the distraction factor going on. You really just want to sit there and enjoy the moment, but you feel bad if you’re not putting in as much work as your partner is. At least I do.

The point? We’re going to practice this one. I think it’s a great concept and it deserves some attention. We’ll report on the details as we perfect this position. Stay tuned.