Couples Reviews

It’s been proven that sex and laughter go together. Well, maybe not in so many words or by credible professionals, but in my book, laughing and fucking are separated by a very fine line– and the more you do of one, the more you tend to do of another.

“Amish Daughers” from Legend Films is what Cecilia and I watched tonight, and I must say we laughed nearly the entire time. Not because it was stupid or absurd, but because it was subtly, richly amusing at times. Oh, and the sex in it was pretty hot, too.

In retrospect, the phrase “Oh, the irony,” comes to mind. There’s nothing funnier (to me) than seeing a Southern California porn star– replete with fake tits, genital and tongue piercings, and tattoos– getting butt-fucked by a rather well-hung stud in a broken down, horse-drawn buggy after his cell phone can’t get through for roadside assistance.

The movie’s premise, for those of you that pay attention to plotlines and keep the volume at an audible level, is this: a bunch of Amish girls, prodded (no pun intended) by a young Amish dude who speaks like a fast-talkin’ gansta rapper who wants to do up his horse-drawn carriage with hydraulics and a bumpin’ system.

He plans to go to “the promised land” of Chatsworth, California (porn film mecca… oh wait, I’m getting my porn and world religions mixed up) and make tons of money shooting and selling their homemade porn movies with a camcorder that “fell from the heavens.” Much like the gapes or wrath (har har), this story involves a journey… a long, hard (hha) journey of a group of religiously inclined people to the promised land of porn, money, and electronics.

There are five distinct sex scenes in “Amish Daughters,” each with its own twist on the irony of Amish people engaging in what you and I would consider deliciously dirty, hardcore sex.

Scene number one sets the backstory as described above, and scene number two finds a young, impressionable and nubile Amish girl (via bicycle) in a sextoy shop, quickly cajoled by “the freak” (see credits, that’s what they call him) into stripping and climbing into a fuck-swing and having a rectal-rooter “demonstrated” on her. Oh my!

Scene number three involves either Miss Edna or Miss Eve (can’t remember the names) going lingerie shopping with Brother Obadiah (LOL), dressed in typical Amish-black trenchcoat and Pilgrim-buckle shoes. He gets fucked. Surprise.

Scene number four involves the “My cell phone’s out of range and our buggy’s broken down, but your ankle is showing, Miss Eve,” followed by fucking. This scene really killed me, because as this silicone blonde is convinced to strip off her clothes (apron, dutch-girl hat, lacey peticoat, the whole nine yards… the costumes are perfect), we see that she’s got enormous, “OMG they’re going to pop if he squeezes them too hard” fake boobs, her clit-hood pierced, two tattoos, and a throat that could easily accommodate a Boeing 707. Oh, the irony.

Scene number five though, is the movie’s climax and in my opinion the greatest bit of pornographic humor I’ve seen yet.

Brother Zebediah and his wife (Jewel DeNyle) catch the rapper-dude with his ‘heavenly’ camcorder, about to film a hot girl-girl scene. They admonish the youngsters for their sinful ways and send them sheepishly offstage. Then, the greatest line I’ve EVER heard in a porn flick….

“Why don’t you get on over here and let me eat that dirty asshole, you filthy Amish whore…”

A moment of silence, friends…. [silence]

[okay, thank you]

After that line, It really didn’t matter to me how good the scene was because I couldn’t stop LAUGHING.

Though I wouldn’t necessarily say that this movie has better sex than other movies out there, I will say that for a good belly-laugh and the great mood it’ll put you and your partner in after watching it, I can highly recommend “Amish Daughters” for any couple out there!

Just for shits, I may surprise Cecilia by calling her a “filthy Amish whore” next time we have sex because I can guarantee she’ll bust up in laughter. Give it a try with your own lover and see how THEY react. Who knows? Hopefully it could make for a great, jovial pause to your hot lovemaking session. Enjoy!

Amish Daughters at Adult DVD Empire

I love it when adult films use humor as part of their story line, so when Alain and I watched Amish Daughters, I was prepared for some laughs. What I wasn’t prepared for is a truly, ahem, enjoyable movie. Amish Daughters is one of the most original porn movies I’ve seen in a long, long time.

The story is based in– you guessed it– an Amish community. Basically the story revolves around Brother Obediah (Dale DeBone), a sort of outcast in the Amish community. He dances to “gangsta rap” in his horse and buggy, he’s got a cell phone, and he knows all about the technology in the outside world.

Brother Obediah manages to wrangle in Miss Edna (Adriana Sage) and Miss Marion (Gwen Summers) in his plot to leave the Amish community and go to Chatsworth, California– “the promised land,” as Obediah calls it.

In the first scene, Miss Edna (Adriana Sage) has found an interesting gizmo. When she shows it to Marion (Gwen Summers) and Obediah, the “outsider” promptly tells her that it’s a video recorder. When they look at the screen, there just happens to be porn already on the camera. We go into an extended scene with Tony Tedeschi and Melissa West, featuring pussy licking, a blowjob, and anal. Finally, there’s a pop shot in her mouth.

From here, the girls are intrigued by Obediah. He persuades them into following him to Chatsworth, where they will live free and prosper. To induct the girls into their new lives, Obediah sends Miss Edna (Sage) to a sex shop.

The male clerk (Pat Myne) helps her pick out some toys, but insists that she must take them for a test drive. This leads into sex on a love swing, with extended toy action, pussy licking, cock sucking, and finally Pat Myne unloads his cum onto Adriana Sage’s face.

In the next scene, we have Brother Jeremiah (Joel Lawrence) walk in on a naked Miss Marion (Gwen Summers), where she confronts him on their plan to leave the community– but first, would he take her into town to buy some new clothes?

The shopping trip ends up at a lingerie store, where Marion (Summers) seduces conservative Jeremiah. Once again, there’s pussy licking, cock sucking, and a cum shot on the Summers’ ass cheek. One thing you’ll notice is that there’s no anal in this scene. That’s no surprise– Brother Jeremiah is hung like a fucking horse. His cock is enormous.

From here, we cut to Nina Ferrari, who plays Miss Eve, and Obediah, chugging along in his pimped-out horse and buggy. The buggy “overheats,” and while they wait for roadside service to come (courtesy of Obediah’s call on his cell phone), Obediah convinces her that she should film a sex scene. After some coaxing, he slips her out of her petticoats and the duo goes at it. Turns out Obediah is fairly well-hung, too Nina Ferrari takes his load on her chest.

The final scene is my absolute favorite. Obediah, Marion, and Edna get caught filming an almost girl/girl scene (there are none in the movie) by Brother Zachariah (Dillion Day) and his wife, Miss Claudia (Jewel DeNile). The three “rebels” leave after a morality lecture from Zachariah. Alone, Zachariah and Miss Claudia ponder the wantoness of youth these days. Out of nowhere, Zachariah turns to Claudia and says, “Why don’t you get over here and let me eat that dirty asshole, you filthy Amish whore?”

Far from being offensive, this line is fucking riotously funny. Turns out these two are closet fetishists, and they are both wearing bondage gear under their restrictive Amish garb. There’s some very hot dirty talk as he fucks her in the ass. Nice. Jewel DeNile gets a hot load of cum on her stomach and chest.

A couple of things: Several of the sex scenes have condoms in them. I personally don’t care either way, but I know some folks are anti-condoms in porn movies. Also, many of the girls have fake tits, which I don’t like. However, they all have relatively “normal” or “average” bodies otherwise, which is nice to see in a porn flick. The cocks are fucking great, by the way. Yay.

Though the story line is about as cheesy as you’d expect, at least there is one– and it’s fucking hilarious. I defnitely dig Amish Daughters for couples. The sex is good enough to keep you both hot and bothered, and the story line is funny and original enough to be appealing to both guys and gals.

Amish Daughters at Adult DVD Empire