Couples Reviews

Private once again delivers a movie full of hot sex, beautiful women, huge cocks, and well-lit cinematography. The storyline, something I’ve rarely paid much attention to in porn movies, was an interesting one. Without giving away too much to those of you who are into plots and dialogue, I’ll sum it up like this: this is a movie that focuses (loosely) on betrayal, fidelity, and the abilities of a matchmaking service to bring lonely, sex-starved people together. There is an entertaining twist at the end, and the parallel storylines make for a relatively stimulating intellectual experience.

But what about the sex, you ask? Screw the plot, tell us about the fucking, for this is a fucking flick. Right you are, so here’s the skinny.

The sex rocks. As is common to Private’s film style, the actresses are beautifully built and the dudes are all well hung. Most of the male actors are uncircumsized. All of the tits are real, which is a plus. Some tiny ones, some huge ones. Cinematically, the perspectives are nicely mixed between longshots and closeups, and the lighting is superb. The venues are mixed between office settings, bedrooms and living rooms, and a woodshop, which is the perfect place to get one’s “wood” on.

“Brides & Bitches” has something for everyone, as Cecilia and I remarked to each other throughout. Every scene features anal, including the one girl-girl scene, which has a really hot part with Michelle Wilde fucking her girlfriend in the ass with a ribbed, glass dildo. I sprung a woody there.

At one point, I turned to Cecilia and suggested she put on her wedding dress so we can fuck in it before going to bed, and knowing her well enough, it’ll happen. News at 11. There’s something romantic and sexy about fucking the living hell out of a woman in a wedding dress, so for you married couples out there who still have their wedding garb… get ready to put it back on, and then strip it right off.

The only thing I didn’t like about “Brides & Bitches” was the bad overdubbing. At times, we’d hear the sound of a zipper, but it didn’t correspond to any flies being unzipped. Also, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the part where the girl’s mouth is clamped on the guy’s cock and the moaning was distinctly open-mouthed. “Whoops, screwed up on that one,” we laughed.

As far as the Couples Factor for this movie goes, I give it One Cock Up. Couples should enjoy it, both those that have tied the knot already, and those who might do it in the future. One thing’s for sure… I’m going to fuck Cecilia silly in her wedding dress tonight.

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Brides and Bitches is an older Private flick (2001) that seemed a great choice for the premiere Couples’ Reviews DVD pick. While the movie did have its drawbacks (especially the noise and somewhat annoying dubbed-over hisses and moans), the sex is—in perfect Private style—excellent.

The loosely-crafted plot begins with the first scene, featuring Rita Faltoyano and Claudia, who are doubling up on a dude. Rita is dressed in full bridal gear, and Claudia wears an all-white, wedding-esque lingerie set. The girls take turns eating each other out while getting fucked. The scene ends with both girls sharing the pop-shot, then kissing each other and swapping cum between them.

Cut to Michelle Wild, who walks in just after the threesome finishes. Turns out that this guy is her fiancée, and she’s just caught him cheating on her just a week before the wedding. To add insult to injury, the bridal gown that Rita is wearing is Michelle Wild’s gown for the big day. Michelle, of course, promptly walk out on him.

The second scene stars Dora Venter, who is a secretary at “Happy Endings Matchmakers,” a company that focuses on hooking up couples. Dora Venter approaches her boss with a new take on the entire business model: why don’t they focus on hooking up couple for sexual encounters – and they can be the first “clients”? This scene is a great take on the banging-the-secretary fantasy. Dora Venter keeps her glasses on during the entire scene, which proves handy at the pop-shot. He cums all over her face, spurting his load onto her sexy secretary glasses.

From here, we cut to Michelle Wild, who is seeking consolation from her friend, Maria. This is an extremely hot girl/girl scene sure to please everyone. We begin with Maria giving Michelle a topless hot-oil massage (you know, to help console her friend). After humping Michelle for a while, Maria fucks Michelle with a big blue dildo. Michelle then gets Maria in a compromising position to fuck her in the ass with a long, beaded glass dildo. The hottest element of this scene was the use of the mirror in Maria’s bedroom. We get some excellent, and very very hot, voyeuristic-feeling shots of all the possible angels by getting views from the mirror. Wow. I could live off of this scene.

Seemingly out of nowhere, we get a random fourth scene, featuring July Red and Betty Dark, in a foursome in a woodshop. Although July Red doesn’t take both guys at the same time, Betty Dark does, which results in some much-anticipated double penetration and double-cum shot at the end.

When Betty Dark gets up afterwards to put on her clothes, she has an advertisement for the matchmaking company sticking to her butt. The two boys read the ad and promptly visit the matchmaking company. This is where the boys meet Michelle Wild and Maria, who are now looking for new men to hook up with. The foursome leaves for a spontaneous cocktail hour, while Dora Venter and her boss stay behind to enjoy the new-found success of the business. Dora emerges in full-bridal regalia and proposes to her boss. This, of course, leads to an awesome bridal fetish scene, complete with anal and even an under-the-dress cam.

I won’t spoil the ending, but it is very happy indeed. The final sex scene is beautifully shot by the edge of a pretty, blue pool. Luckily, there’s more bridal gear involved in this scene, which helped to redeem the movie’s title somewhat.

Overall, I wish there was more emphasis on the bridal theme, because it could be pretty damned hot if done well. However, the sex is hot, the guys and girls are hot, and the cinematography is professional and consistent. Each scene is substantial as well, giving us girls (who take a little longer) time to get heated up, even in just one scene. Recommended overall, but stay away if you don’t like anal, posed eye contact with the camera, and/or close-ups of gaping pussies and assholes.

Buy or rent this movie at Adult DVD Empire!